The Fatal Flaw

"That has been our biggest mistake as parents," Clay exclaimed.
"Yep, we should never have let them know that they are hilarious," I replied.

We had just been discussing "the chicken nugget incident".
Evan was about two years old. Still old enough to know better.
He was in his little car seat on a four hour trip to Grandma and Grandpa's house.
We had stopped to grab some fast food.
Clay was driving, and I was actually looking at him when it happened. We were having a conversation when a chicken nugget suddenly bounced off the side of Clay's head.

We turned around to see our Evan, straight-faced and serious as can be, announcing to the car, "I'm done."
It hit our funny bones so hard that we couldn't stop laughing to discipline the child.
"I should have pulled the car over right then and there to punish him...but we made that fatal flaw."
Yep. Clay has a point, it is a fatal flaw in many ways. They learned about levity in the face of frustration at a very young age; but if he had been "properly punished", the memory might have been tainted. I'm not sure that "good parenting" is worth losing that piece of our family lore.

That fatal flaw has been our undoing.
Our boys push when the tension rises. They keep talking, pressing buttons, making clever comments...hoping to pick the right remark that will lighten their consequences, change our perspective, or simply remind us that they are so very lovable.

I don't blame them. It tends to work.
What is a fatal flaw for a parent, is quite the "gift" for a child.
(It also tends to give me some funny facebook statuses.)

We are praying that they learn to read their audience (and pay attention to the veins popping out of the authority figure's neck)...maybe that will keep them from someday getting fired for insubordination.

This picture was taken when our boys did NOT manage to make us laugh.
They got sent to the corner for "time out".
This mama still got her "perspective/mood lightening" moment when they chose to go to the SAME corner.
Dang, I love those boys. 

Before Kids

I recently read the book What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty.
(Actually, I listened to it. It is set in Australia, so the accents probably made the book better than it actually was.)
In the book, a 39 year old mother of three (in the middle of divorce) hits her head and wakes up thinking she is 29 again. She has no recollection of the last 10 years.
29 was when she was newly married, madly in love, and pregant with her first child.

This book KICKED. MY. BUTT.
In it, "29 year old" Alice was shocked by the way her husband spoke to 39 year old Alice.
She was confused by the seriousness of her current life. Everything always seemed so urgent and important. Didn't they have fun anymore?
Alice read some emails she had written to her husband leading up to the divorce and she COULD NOT BELIEVE that she could have ever written such things to the love of her life. So bitter. So harsh.

It got me thinking about Clay and I - before kids.
I would watch Nascar races (I joined a Nascar Fantasy League and CARED ABOUT MY TEAM.)
We would spend hours playing video games with each other. (It can be therapeutic to blow up your spouse.)
We almost got kicked out of birthing classes. (We were so busy flirting and giggling with each other than the coach got a bit irritated.)
There was a lot of grace to be had in our home. That "was" is almost painful to read.

Since that stage of life, things have gotten much more serious.
His career, our children, homeschooling, ministries, responsibilities, blah, blah, blah.
It has all added up to stress.
Our fuses have shortened. We don't have TIME for video games.
We too often forget to play. We forget to be best friends...like we used to be.
It's messed up.
Clay may have less hair than when we were younger and starry-eyed, but he is still the love of my life. The goal is to stop and remember that. Daily.
We need to look into each other's eyes and SEE the young, playful souls that remain...and coax them back out. We need to CHOOSE not to be old, grumpy, married people.
I need to choose to be the flirty wife.

No more "remembering back when"...
We need to ENJOY (and properly prioritize) the now.
Lord, remind me what it was like when we were twenty-five.
Bring back the love and grace in a POWERFUL way. Give us YOUR love and grace.
I want to be starry-eyed (toward Clay) forever.

A Road Rally Bar Mitzvah

Yep, we had a bar mitzvah.

Nope, we aren't Jewish.

Clay has been referring to Micah's 13th birthday party as his bar mitzvah for the past 6 months. 

So when it got closer to the actual day, I started researching this Jewish 13th birthday tradition. 

A Bar Mitzvah is an initiation ceremony for the transition from boyhood to manhood. The teen boy is required to take personal responsibility for his own spiritual walk, knowing that he must answer to God for his own choices.

Wow! What a great opportunity to challenge our son AND celebrate at the same time! 

Done!

Because we can't do anything serious without infusing a little fun, we started the party with a Road Rally. (If you aren't familiar with this phenomena of awesomeness, it's somewhat like the Amazing Race. If you aren't familiar with the Amazing Race, you need to get out more - and you can think of a Road Rally as a city-wide scavenger hunt...which requires cars.)

Clay and I had so much fun planning the day. The teams had to solve riddles, accomplish tasks, find objects...and take pictures or videos of each event. No proof? Didn't happen.

Here are some photos (and pdfs) of our Road Rally paperwork. 

My kids have already done it. I probably won't use it again. 

That's a lot of work for a "one and done" activity. 

PLEASE USE THIS STUFF and make it work for your own rally! 

(It can be adjusted to work for most towns.)

Even if you have no intention of ever doing a road rally, you may want to click on some of the tasks just to giggle about our day. (Then keep reading the rest of the blog to find out about the bar mitzvah.)

The first page of fun tasks.

You know you want to read them...

The teams had to make three cornhole shots before they could leave the "Crack the Code" house.
If you don't know what cornhole is...you're missing out.

Click HERE if you want these Road Rally forms as pdf

I want to post so many of the funny videos, but I will protect the privacy of the other party attenders.
Here is a quick video of my youngest son "weezing the juice" for Bonus Points.
I know it's a tease.
(Oh well, it's not the first time I've been accused of that.)

The last stop of the road rally had each car picking up pizza, so we all came back together to watch the videos and eat. (Clay made a spreadsheet to quickly add up scores. It didn't go as quickly as we hoped. We learned that we should have made the teams do things in a certain order or keep their own score sheet that coincided with their photos.)

After pizza, we served cupcakes and coffee for the bar mitzvah portion of the night.

It all started out as Clay's "joke"; but when we decided to add this spiritual element to our day, he surprised me. He took the religious initiation seriously! 

Normally I am the one who gets put in charge of anything that requires speaking (or words and planning in general), but HE wanted to do this. He wanted to set this example for our son.

He poured through photos and made a slideshow. 

He chose the approach to take as we introduced this stage of life to Micah and decided to focus on the verse written on Micah's bedroom wall (Ephesians 6:10-11). It speaks of putting on the armor of God. Clay challenged our new teenager to put on his own armor instead of depending solely upon ours. My creative husband even bought Micah a Leatherman multi-tool as a physical reminder that we have many tools at our disposal, but we must CHOOSE to use them. 

I don't think Clay has ever said so many serious things at one time. (He even got choked up a bit.)

I am always spouting spiritual things to our boys. I'm sure it had a MUCH BIGGER IMPACT since Clay took the lead on this one. I'm so very proud of him.

Finally, we ended with this video. 

A teenager took part in a poetry slam and spoke about his Judaism.

He talked about how he's been "brainwashed" by his parents. 

I hope Micah feels the same way.

It was the perfect "send off" for the crowd. 

It is a powerful three minutes.

Tortilla Pizza

I was looking in our fridge for something easy to throw together for lunch.

"Let's see, what on earth can I make with  tortillas, a partial bag of shredded cheese and that half a jar of spaghetti sauce that is lurking in the back shelf?"

Brilliance. That's what I made.
(a.k.a. A Tortilla Pizza)

It has less bread than a regular quesadilla and less calories than a regular pizza. 

It has TOMATO sauce on it so my boys (almost, kind of) get a vegetable!

Each kid can pick his own toppings. 

My boys make them all by themselves with ingredients that I always have on hand.

If they are still hungry after their individualized pizza is gone, I can make them eat fruit and vegetables.
I mean, they ate a "whole pizza"! (They can't even argue with that logic. Good stuff!)

I am just irritated that I didn't do this before.
(Feel free to make a comment and brag about how many YEARS you have been making these and how they have made your life so much easier...and how it's ABOUT TIME that I put two and two together and joined in the fun.)
*sidenote: My friend, Tami, told me a month  ago that she makes pizza on Flatout bread because it is thin crust and lower calorie. I thought, "I'm too cheap to buy Flatout bread." It DIDN'T EVEN OCCUR TO ME to use a tortilla. 

Cooking instructions: (Becky style - which means vague)
I broiled them to melt the cheese.
My boys sometimes bake them for 10 minutes or so on 350 (because that is the temperature the oven automatically goes to).

Now that I blogged about this...I'm off to buy more tortillas before my crew discovers the shortage and decides on mutiny.

Daddy's Day

My brothers used to send me to persuade our Dad when they wanted him to buy pizza.
"Just climb up in his lap and do your thing, Beck."
They knew I had a good chance of convincing him.
It's hard not to melt a bit when your only little girl calls you, "Daddy".

I still call him that...when it's just him and me.
He has loved me too deeply for the stuffy title of "Father".
"Dad" could work, but all five of his other kids call him THAT (2 original sons and 3 newer siblings that married in).
I'm the only one who can snuggle into the term "Daddy" without feeling weird...so I play that card every chance I get. It reminds him of the girl who used to crawl up in his lap and ask for pizza...and it reminds me of the first man that held my heart in his hands.

We have a special connection, him and me...probably because I am so much like him.
I irritate him. I challenge him. I "get" him.
God is funny that way.
He took many of my father's qualities and wrapped them up in a pink bundle... then my parents named the tiny package Becky.

He is hard on himself, but he sees beauty in me. He has always made that clear.
I think I'm like my Dad so he can better see and appreciate how God made HIM.
In some ways, God has allowed me to be a mirror for my dad. I get to reflect some of his qualities back at him so he sees them from a different perspective. Sure, it's not always pretty, but Dad sees how it CAN be beautiful when the quality is filtered through pink and draped over his daughter.
I pray that he knows that those same qualities are FANTASTIC even when they are blue.
(Oh wait! God gave him a couple of boys to help with that one too!)

Dear Dad(dy), know that the pride you have for your children doesn't go just one way.
We are all so proud of the godly example that you are.
We are proud of the way that you minister with passion and energy and spunk.
We are proud of the sacrificial love you show to your family and to others. Your love runs deep.
We are proud to be like you in so many ways...because you reflect our Heavenly father into this world - and HIS qualities are the most important no matter WHICH color they are being seen through.

"Parents are the pride of their children." Prov 17:6 
Yes. Yes you are. Thank you for that.

It Seemed Like a Good Idea...At The Time

In honor of Father's Day...

Children: Ages 6 and 8
Soccer season was blending right into baseball season, and Clay, being a good dad, was in the front yard playing both sports with our boys.
Clay, also being Clay, decided that it would be GREAT fun to pitch a soccer ball to our small children so they could hit it with their aluminum baseball bat.
Micah, our cautious and thinking child, questioned the "brilliance" (and safety) of his father's new brainstorm and refused to be the guinea pig.
Evan, the apple which fell right at the foot of the proverbial tree, jumped up to volunteer.
The soccer ball SOARED across the yard as Evan's bat made contact.
Oh, what fun they had discovered!
Micah soon decided that success had been proven and that he needed to join the crazy.
(He may be cautious, but he knows not to miss out.)
He stepped up to the plate, swung away...and his bat bounced squarely off the soccer ball and ricocheted back into his head. The resulting bump grew so big and so fast that little brother broke down into tears at the sight of it. ("WHAT happened to Micah's HEAD???!!!???")
This mother's heart sank as wails reached her ears.
My family of boys entered the house, father holding one weeping child, little brother still traumatized.
My eyes met the eyes of my beloved. Mine questioning. His eyebrows raised...and I heard his famous phrase, "It seemed like a good idea...at the time."

Child: Age 10
My youngest boy, the animal lover, desperately wanted a pet he could snuggle.
Fish just weren't cutting it anymore. With our allergies, he knew he was fighting a losing battle if he tried to push for a furry friend...so he focused on the reptile family.
A snake.
Clay caught a snake as a boy...and permanently lost it somewhere inside the old farmhouse.
Clay's parents never knew about the arrangement, but since Evan's wishes were on our radar...Clay was NOT going to repeat that particular scenario in our suburban home.
No pets at the Rassi home - except fish. Conversation over.
Clay doesn't like to be mean. He prefers to lighten a tense mood with a joke.
Knowing this about my husband, please give him a LITTLE grace when you hear what happened next. (That's what I have to do - daily - as I remember that his heart is pure even when I don't agree with his methods).
***The next day***
I was walking down the hall, Evan behind me, when he started whining, "Dad told me I couldn't have a snake! He didn't even talk to YOU. He just said, 'NO'. He said the only snake I'm am allowed to have is a Trouser Snake."
I stopped in my tracks and lifted a prayer, "Please God, let there be an ACTUAL SNAKE called a Trouser Snake."
I slowly turned to look at my son and innocently asked, "Um, what's a Trouser Snake?"
He fought very hard to stay upset (he was trying to manipulate his way into his mother's sympathies after all), but a smile peeked through his eyes as he pointed to the place in his trousers that covers the natural "snake" that God attached to all Y chromosomes.
I sighed and responded, "I'm sorry you can't have a "real" snake, but that's just how it is...and you probably shouldn't tell your friends about that OTHER snake. It is kind of like Santa Clause. We'll let THEIR parents tell them all about it, OK?"
Then I shot off a text to my other half: "A Trouser Snake? Really?"
I could almost see him wince as he realized he was "caught". His response?
"Sorry. I wanted to distract him from the pet. It seemed like a good idea...at the time."

Now, let me share with you how the previous scenarios support that Clay is actually a GOOD father:

• Clay makes these parenting "faux pas" because he gets carried away HAVING FUN WITH HIS CHILDREN. He adores them. They are two of his very best friends...so he sometimes forgets that they don't have 30 extra years of life experience and maturity to be able to handle his humor. That's why there is grace. God gave these boys to my man. He is the VERY BEST THING FOR THEM. I'm not worried.
• As he jokes, our boys learn to rise above each situation and look at it from a higher (big-picture) perspective. They learn that laughter can get us through an awful lot of heartache...as long as we remember where our joy comes from. It's not from following rules and jumping through hoops. Joy is not found in perfection. (In fact, their dad shows them that we can LAUGH when we make mistakes...and learn from them rather than be defeated.)
• Clay teaches my boys to be leaders who forge their own trail, not followers staying in someone else's tiny little box. (Boxes are boring...unless you turn them into pirate ships or spacecrafts...or stick your brother inside of them...ahem.)
• He is teaching them how to take risks - ones that require God's help to navigate.
• They are also learning how to get back up when they (quite literally) get knocked down.
• Clay does everything authentically, without pretense...even being a father. My boys see who he REALLY is, not a facade. They hear him acknowledge (and sometimes even apologize) if he realizes that he crossed a line. They see him mature (honestly!) in areas of his life and lead them in brand new ways. Authenticity is one of the character traits that most drew me to this mate of mine. And even if it's a quality I question at times, it's one that I want my children to model.

I wanted to honor Clay this special weekend.
I could write a whole other blog about the things he is teaching my boys about being a godly husband, but our 15 year anniversary is next month so you can read about that then.
Instead, I hope I made you laugh and pointed you to God at the same time. That is how Clay was made to impact this world - and (in my eyes) he is beautifully living out that purpose.

Dueteronomy 6:5-7 
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

(And when you play Legos with them, or when you are jamming on musical instruments, and when you coach their sports teams, or when you are wrestling in the dining room, and when...) 

10 Strokes of Genius

These are 10 favorite parenting tools which I've stolen stumbled upon over the years.

1. The "Oh No You Didn't!" Jar
If you break the rules in some way, pull a paper slip out of the jar. We don't call it a 'job jar' because it is MORE than simply chores. For instance, the paper slips might say: 

• Sincerely apologize for your behavior, and thank God for grace. No consequence.
• Rub Mom’s feet for 10 minutes.
• Windex every mirror in the house while singing a song.
• Clean your brother's room.

Caution: we learned that you need an opaque jar for children who can read - even if the slips are folded. We also learned to keep the completed tasks in a separate bag so the 'easy' ones don't keep finding their way back on top of the pile.

 2. Handwritten Letters from Mom

To teach cursive, or not to teach...THAT was the question. My solution was to teach them how to write without being crazy about it. They each write their memory verse in cursive once a week, but the rest of the time they can print or type. (Yes, they are always lobbying for short verses. "Mom, I think our verse this week should be John 11:35, 'Jesus wept.'")
I decided our boys need to READ cursive more than they need to write it. So I started writing them a personal letter each week. Sometimes it's a letter to both of them, sometimes they get individual letters. Sometimes I hand-write the letter, sometimes I use a funky cursive computer font or have a different family member write a letter. It's genius because it forces me to sit down and encourage my children, to challenge them, and to love them...in writing.

 If they want to keep these memories forever and ever...they can. If they don't keep them, I take the really good ones and keep them anyway.

3. Scripture Memorization Box

I may have already mentioned this...but this thing is marvelous! (I stole it from Charlotte Mason, you can find the video here.) The family learns one new verse at our own pace by reading it twice daily. We also read a few other verses that we have previously learned (just for review). It is very little work. A minute or two of reading...and we review EVERY VERSE WE HAVE EVER LEARNED each month.

It gets scripture flowing through our brains for the each day. LOVE IT. Seriously, check it out.

We read a daily verse, a verse for the even or odd day, a verse for the day of the week,
and one (or two) for the day of the month. 

4. The best way to get my kids to eat healthy is to go on a very strict diet myself.
If I have measured, weighed and done the math so that I know EXACTLY HOW MANY CALORIES I need to write down in my food journal, my children will want to eat some of what is in my bowl. Every. Single. Time. (I just keep saying to myself: "At least it's good for them, at least it's vegetables, at least it's fruit. Don't cry because you get to eat even less than you thought you would.") If I get "smart" and make a double batch...they won't want any of it.

5. Vegetables get eaten better if bacon is added to them.  
Bacon Brocolli Salad,  Bacon Spinach Salad, Bacon and Cauliflower. BACON!!! 'Nough said.

6. Speaking of spinach, spinach can also be hidden quite effectively in yummy foods 
Especially in fruit smoothies. Can't. Even. Taste. It.

7. The best way to get our kids to do creative, educational activities (rather than play video games) is to do them ourselves...for enjoyment. 
My husband plays instruments, so my children play instruments. If I start to do artwork, my children tend to join me. *Don't get too excited. Most of the time, this does NOT work with chores. Believe me, we've tried. It's hard to make chores seem fun no matter how much you smile.

8. When my kids ask, "Can I have a pop?" or "Can I have a treat?" my answer has become, "How many waters, fruits and vegetables have you had today? Gotta balance it all out." 
They can't even argue with that. They know if they make healthy choices throughout the day, they get more freedom. If they don't...not so much. Isn't life that way? If I saved my money, I get to go on vacation! If I bought a $4 coffee everyday, I get to watch everyone else go on vacation. Now I just need a Mom to ask ME how many waters/fruits/veggies I have had in a day before I get a treat.

9 & 10. Facebook. 
While it may actually be the most frequent way I end up shirking my parenting responsibilities, it is also the only way I will remember all the funny things that happened in my house during these precious years. I counted this as two strokes of genius because it not only keeps me seeing the funny in everyday life (which helps me really like my kids); but it provides a way that my youngest son (the non-reader) might actually READ about his childhood someday. It is a record of short, funny blurbs that are entertaining...kind of like the Calvin and Hobbes comic books that he reads VOLUNTARILY on occasion. 
For example:

December 2009

Overheard this conversation...
Evan: Micah, remember the time we ate kleenex?
Micah: Yah, but I've eaten worse things than kleenex.
Clay: Really? What?
Micah: Broccoli

March 2010
I asked my 7 year old to list some of the rules at the elementary school. His first answer?
"You can't wear capes to school."

June 2010 
I am at the stage in child rearing where I can't ask the question, "You know what?" without someone saying, "Chicken butt".

April 2012 

My two VERY different little boys had to finish a simile: Reading is as enjoyable as _______. One boy said, "video games!" and the other said, "pooping out an anchor." *sigh*

Linked up to Top Ten Tuesday

Family Photos

Look at their cute little shoes!

I don't take family photos.
It drives my extended family nuts. It really does.
I would LOVE to have a family photo shoot every year...
But that takes time to coordinate.
AND I'm cheap...so I don't want to pay for them.
AND it just doesn't occur to me until everyone else is handing out THEIR photos and I think, "That would have been a good idea. Maybe in the spring..."

You see, family photos also mean that I have to get in front of a camera (which I am not as willing to do when the scale (and photos, and my pants) tell me that I have packed on a few pounds). There is always hope for spring...

Within this past year, my extended family has seemed to get a bit more, um, insistent...
***flashback to last Christmas and my brother, Dave, saying, "The picture I have hanging on my wall is OLD. Your boys are like 6 years old. I need a new one...and I don't want some stupid snapshot. I want a REAL picture."***
Ahem.
It made me laugh at the time (and determined to take a snapshot for him).

So now, another Christmas is nearing...and it's time.
I'm still cheap...but I'm in the 'I can tolerate myself' range on the scale...and my father has thrown his hat in the 'pressuring Becky for a picture' ring.
Can you just hear him saying, "The picture on my desk at work has your kids looking as young as their little cousins." *sigh*

So, I started coordinating.
I grabbed my digital camera, my family, and my artistic niece, Juli, and we headed for the park.
Having an adult niece who is willing to artistically collaborate and snap photos (even though she has never done a photo shoot before) is REALLY a blessing.
Everyone should have one. She's awesome.
I plan to pay her in love and coffee...and maybe lunches. (I told you she is awesome.)

OK, so it's not "professional"...but it's the closest brother Dave is going to get.
I was determined to make it a snapshot, after all.
(I'll see if I can edit them in Photoshop and make them look even better once I get them narrowed down.)

This is where you all come in.
HELP! I have too many family photos to choose from.

I need ONE kid photo and ONE family photo to hand out to the grandmas.
I like candid shots, but I know grandma's like posed shots.
I sent this photo in an email to my family...but Grandma responded that it didn't count and that we looked like we saw something TERRIBLE.

Fam Pic #1

My dad actually said he would use it. I think his words were, "At least it's a RECENT photo."
Yah, I come by my snarky attitude honestly.

So...
If you could do me a favor and vote on the photos...it would help.
I may have to make an album. Of course, that may be weird. My kids will have 5 pictures that represent their lives in 2012...and a whole album that we took on ONE October day. Ah well, I guess they can take what they can get.


Feel free to suggest changing colors to black and white or sepia tone...or even if a background needs cropped or blurred.

And off we go...
(You can click on a picture to view all the photos larger, but keep in mind you'll miss out on all my little comments if you ONLY look at them that way.)

Kid Pic #1
Evan's smile only looks natural when he's being ornery, so I like photos when he's ornery.

Kid Pic #2 (see, Evan is missing the ever-present twinkle in his eye)

Kid Pic #3 - Candid, my kids in their element

Kid Pic #4

Kid Pic #5 (with instruments, but actually looking at camera)

OK, now for the family...

Fam Pic #2

Fam Pic #3
 (We are all smiling! I can crop this in, but I like how Evan is standing, so I left it. It's so him.)

Fam Pic #4
I probably need to brighten our faces on this and mess with contrast if we pick it.

Fam Pic #5
It takes OH SO MANY photos to get us all smiling somewhat naturally.

Fam Pic # 6
I like the hand holding, but will have to get some advice on how to make our faces show up on such a bright background.

 The next few pictures aren't really in contention...but I had to include them for you all to see.
(I mean, most of you won't be in my living room looking at our "One Fine Day in October" family album.)

If you've ever tried to take a picture of Clay, you know he favors the "JCPenney  Pose". He, of course, insisted we  all play along. Can't you just picture us in a catalog?

Love Evan's face and Micah's sweet gaze.  :)

Love this pic...but LOOK AT THE SIZE OF CLAY'S HEAD! (I look like a giant sitting on a  child.)

I just think I look skinny in this picture, so I included it.

Grandma should be happy I didn't send her THIS one. Clay's head will never be the same.

Or THIS one. (We discovered it gets quite "buggy" in the middle of a flower garden.)

And finally, another one of Clay's favorites: The Album Cover
A bunch of people looking 'too cool' for the camera.
Of course, our little band needs to come up with a proper name.

Good Day, Bad Day

On a good day, I REALLY appreciate it when my husband takes the time to sweep up all the crumbs under the kitchen table.
On a bad day, I REALLY get annoyed that he leaves all the crumbs in a pile next to the table so I can sweep them up to sweep up "later".

On a good day, school is a wonderful opportunity to spend time with my boys and learn about God's great world while doing hands-on activities and ENJOYING ourselves.
On a bad day, school is a burdensome chore that I don't feel equipped to handle (involving ungrateful, complaining little people - whom I could easily send away to public school...)

On a good day, it's funny when my 4th grader has a quirky comment for every situation.
On a bad day, "that boy ain't right...and it's all Clay's fault".

Sadly, I can go from a good day to a bad day in a fraction of a second.
I forget that any day that I have life... is a good day.
I forget that every difficult moment can be used for my benefit and God's glory.
I forget to count my blessings.

Thankfully, I can also go from a bad day to a good day quite quickly.
I remember all the past trials which I have gotten through...that have strengthened me.
I remember that God not only changed my life, but He can change my moment.
I remember to count my blessings.

• Healthy, intelligent children who make me laugh
• Coffee with cream in my cup...and more where that came from
• A hard-working husband who is faithful and funny
• A rainy, cool day which makes hot soup more enjoyable
• Friends who pray with me and encourage me and live life with me
• A powerful, sovereign God whose promises never fail

That's a darn good start to a very long list...

What are your blessings? 

Is today going to be a good day or a bad day? 

We each have a choice to make.

As for me and my house, I think we'll play some uplifting music, then go out on the back porch and eat some soup while we watch the animals play (and listen to a history cd). 

I'll attempt to do my part in making the next few moments good. It's the choice I want to make.

My Family Rocks

It's a LITERAL statement at this house.

Most days, our whole house is rockin'...and rollin'.

To be honest, it is a figurative statement as well.

I'm so proud of my family. And with the end of school this week (and all the awards and acknowledgements my boys have been getting), I'm having a hard time not being boastful.

OK, I'm failing miserably at not boasting - I'M PUTTING IT ON MY BLOG.

Of course, I really can't take any of the credit anyway.

Clay and I may have fostered a talent or two, but God blessed my children.

I keep telling them that. 

Every gift, ability, or talent is a gift.

We need to make sure we thank God for all of it.

We need to make sure we give Him the credit.

HE DESERVES ALL THE GLORY and our many thanks.

Thank you, Lord, for my boys. Thank you for their musical ability, their intelligent minds, and their healthy, athletic bodies. And thank you for their father who pours into their lives and coaches them in all of these areas.

Now, we think glorifying God should include having some fun on most days. 

God is the giver of all that is good: laughter, joy...and the part of us that just has to tap our toes. So, so here is a taste of what glorifying God with our gifts looks like around here:

This was the local elementary school talent show. (My boys take music and gym there.) 

God is so good.

To the Mother of My Child

I saw a link titled, "To My Daughter's Mother" which was a letter written to the biological mother of an adopted daughter.

It was a good post, but it was not what I expected to read when I read the title.
I thought a mother had written a letter to HERSELF.

I found myself longing for a slightly different post that still needed to be written.
So, I decided to give it a try...

To the Mother of My Child,

You are enough. Quit questioning that.

You can do this. You have what it takes.

___________________

 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:10

___________________

You have been equipped to parent this child. 

Yes, this PARTICULAR child - the one God hand-picked for you. 

___________________

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. -Psalms 139:13 

___________________

Every wrong or right decision you make can be used to mold that little bundle into a mature Christ-follower. God knows what you BOTH need in order for you to ultimately seek His face. 

When He placed that child in your arms, God knew:

• You need each other to learn.
• You need each other to grow.
• You need each other to be properly challenged - to turn your eyes heavenward.

Don't sit in guilt and remorse if you have had moments of weakness.

God is bigger than your failures and can use them for your good, the good of your child - and His glory.

___________________

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28

___________________

Use your struggles to model repentance. 

Use your mistakes to teach. 

Use EVERY opportunity to learn lessons as well as point your child to truth.

 ___________________

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 

- Deuteronomy 11:18-19 

___________________

Those smallish eyes are learning through watching you.

So, accept God's grace when you fail. Claim the love God has for you.

Model repentance when needed - and how to get back up once you've fallen down.

Be an example of perseverance, and PRAISE GOD for the growing pains as you mature in your faith.

Seek God's wisdom. Search God's word. Pray for His guidance.

___________________

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be matureand complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. - James 1:2-5

___________________

And quit worrying.

God knew what He was doing when he entrusted you with the dimples on that precious face. Grab hold of that truth.

Finally, I want to remind you that your child has choices to make as well. Unfortunately, you cannot choose the character of your child. You cannot control that independent heart.

If those little feet stray down a dark path, it doesn't mean you've failed.

It just means that God isn't done working...in either of you. 

Keep praying.

It's an opportunity for you to learn even more about trusting God - with the most cherished parts of your life. It's an opportunity to grow in your faith. It's an opportunity for God to get glory.

You can do this.

Press On,

Becky

This blog is linked to:
Creative #homeschool ideas and more in the Homeschool Showcase hosted by @Kris_WUHSMom -http://bit.ly/nhEsui#hsblogger


and Loving My Child Tuesday

10 Things "My Mama Said" About Marriage

photo credit

Some days, it's obvious by the actions of my children that "wah wah wah wah" is all they are hearing when I speak. I'm sure my mom felt the same way when I was a child; and yet, some things did manage to sink into this thick skull o' mine.
I am dedicating this Top Ten Tuesday to things "My Mama Said" which have made a big difference in my marriage.

My Mama Said...

1. Pick Your battles. I thought Mom was a "doormat" when she chose to hold her tongue. 
• Then, I grew up. (some) Now, I also want people to see my love for them, not my frustration with them. Of course, this attitude is much harder to live out with my husband than with a friend...or neighbor...or the stranger at the store. I'm slowly learning that my family (including my husband) doesn't have to agree with me and jump through every hoop I place in front of them. They are *gulp* INDIVIDUALS. I need to let them be different than my expectations (as long as they aren't crossing moral lines). 
2. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Don't call names. Never tell anyone you hate them. If it can't be said respectfully, then it shouldn't be said. 
• With the wagging tongue God gave me, I needed this brainwashing mantra to start early. Good thing He also gave me Mom - who would speak this truth to me often. 
3. Giggle...giggle...and more giggles. My dad joked about sex - a lot. Mom never made faces, rolled her eyes, or let out a big sigh. She would just giggle. She made me think that sex within marriage might be fun "someday". She never made it seem like a chore...but a benefit to being married. 
• I'm sure Clay and I make a lot of people uncomfortable while he jokes about sex and I giggle; but talking about it keeps sex from being an "unimportant" part of our marriage...and I wouldn't have it any other way.
4. Don't use physical affection as a weapon. When my little brother would tick me off and then try to sit by me or reach out to me, I would jerk my arm/hand/body away in protest. He didn't DESERVE the right to be near me. My mother quickly made it clear that his position as my brother (whom I loved dearly) was enough to earn him a respectful response - even when I didn't feel like it. Withholding love "as a punishment" was not an option. 
• Fast-forward 30 years. Clay's position as my husband (whom I dearly love) is enough. I refuse to withhold any part of me. We are one, and love is still not a weapon.
5. Yes, I love your father more than you. Yep, she said it. We kids knew that Mom "had our back" when we needed to approach Dad about something. She understood our "why" and the emotions we felt. She would go to bat for us. This could have given us a very different impression than she wanted us to have. So, when we would childishly quip something like, "Why are you making vegetable soup since we all hate veggie soup - except for Dad? Do you love him more than us?" She would answer, "Yep. You kids will move on and find your own partners for life. If you try to make me choose between him and you, you should know that I will always choose him."
6. I won't talk bad about your father.  Mom didn't say negative things about Dad. She didn't want others to look down on him. She wanted to protect him. She wanted to protect THEM. Verbalizing frustrations can be a way of dwelling on them. She preferred to sing praises about my father's strengths and speak of his weaknesses to God (or to him, in private). 
• Wow, this has made a marked difference in my own marriage. Every time I share a praise about Clay, I'm reminded why I love him. If I need to "vent" about my man, I try to share with my mom or one of my girlfriends who care more about my marriage than they do about my feelings. I know they will defend him when possible and remind me to give grace when necessary.
7. Never go to bed angry. I can't be responsible for my husband's attitude, but I can give my anger to God (even if things aren't resolved before bed). Mom instilled in me a desire to have resolution; but even more, she modeled that life is about loving others...not about "being right". (And since I'm the one in our house who struggles most with being frustrated...I guess it's good that she was MY mom.)
8. I want the house (and myself) to be something that Dad WANTS to come home to. Dinner was generally cooking, the house was generally straightened, and when Mom would comb her hair or fix her make-up - we knew Dad would be home soon. 
• While make-up and dinner may not both be managed on any given day, I try to let my partner know that he is worth my effort. I don't want to only get dolled up for my friends or the grocery store clerk. I want to treat him like I would if I was still trying to seduce him "win him over". That means, I take care of my body. I notice him when he walks in the door...and give him a big kiss. I do what I can to make our home (and his wife) something he can be proud of and a place where he WANTS to be.
9. A marriage needs protective walls. This could be a blog of its own. Oh wait, I already wrote it! My parents held hands all the time. It was their way to announce to the world that they were both "taken". My mom shared how married people should be each other's best friends. No secrets. They shouldn't spend time alone with people of the opposite sex. That welcomes temptation. Once married, flirtation is meant for a spouse. None other. 
10. Divorce is not an option. Mom didn't even joke about divorce. If one of us kids tried to, she would say, "Divorce isn't a joke. It should not be taken lightly. It is not an option."  Sure, my parents had their struggles; but I NEVER questioned whether or not they would stay together. I had peace about them even when there was tension. 
• I have that same peace in my own marriage. Luckily, my jocular man (who pokes fun at EVERYTHING) also doesn't think divorce is funny at all.

I'm so glad my mom kept repeating herself.
I hope this encourages you in your own parenting -  to be vigilant and to persevere.
The kids may only hear half of our words, but if we say them enough...they might actually sink in.

(This is also linked with the Hip Homeschool Hop)