Intimacy

My eyes get big and I shoot a warning look at my dear husband. 

In my head I think, "Don't say it."

He slyly grins, raises his eyebrows and nods mischievously.

I purse my lips (trying not to smile at him, but it shows in my eyes) and he knows I'm thinking, "It's inappropriate, you are going to cross a line for some of these people."

He evaluates the situation...and sometimes it is enough that I know what he is thinking, so he gives in to my wishes and holds his tongue...sometimes.

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Without a word, we have conversations.
Funny how we can do this with our spouses, our children, our closest friends.

It's like telepathy. 

It is possible, because we know each other well. 

We have put in the time.

We have listened. 

We have been authentic.

This is intimacy.

Intimacy is being able to finish each other's sentences...because we've spent so much time interacting that we KNOW how the other will respond.

Intimacy is connection...and it is something I'm seeking more of in my spiritual life. 

I want to think the thoughts of God. 
I cannot finish His sentences - because I haven't spent nearly enough time with Him to know what He is going to say.

I've always dismissed this little matter of fact.
I mean, how am I supposed to be so close to GOD that I think his thoughts when He's not sitting next to me telling me jokes and laughing in a high-pitched cackle...or low, slow groan. 
SEE, I don't even know His laugh! 
If I don't know Jesus's favorite food, how He takes his coffee, or whether He thinks farts are funny or crude...how can I have "intimacy" with Him? So, I justify my lack of closeness.

For years, I vaguely loved God. 
What's NOT to love? He encompasses all things GOOD. 
Then, I got challenged that my devotion to God should be more than good "feelings" or heartfelt theories...so I started to look toward Christ.
How did He live? What does loving God look like when it's lived out?


That was a good step. 
I started to "get to know" my God by reading about Jesus and trying to live like him, but I was still constantly trying to "figure things out". 
I was gaining knowledge, but how was I supposed to apply it? 
There is just TOO MUCH good to do! How could I decide?
I wanted Jesus to show up as a man in my living room and TELL me, but He REFUSED.
There seemed to be so much guesswork in this faith thing. 
There is always MORE to do, more to learn, more, more, more...
It would be easy to just sink into apathy with my brain twisting up in knots, but years of foggy understanding had left me wanting. I wasn't ready to throw in the towel.

Matthew 7:7 says:
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." 

The more I seek, the less cloudy things keep getting.
My Sunday school class has been reading Francis Chan's book Forgotten God.
I also just finished listening to Corrie ten Boom's book Tramp for the Lord.
Both are very HOLY SPIRIT focused. I don't think it's a coincidence that the timing of both of these books coincided in my life. 
God must have decided I needed some help on my journey for "more".


As I read, both authors seemed to be saying "If you are a Christian, you SHOULD be hearing God...and if you aren't, you are doing it wrong."
I turned to scripture to see if I found the same message or if these Christians were off-base.

In seeking, I found a missing piece in my spiritual puzzle (more like a whole side of precious border pieces). Oh, I knew the pieces were supposed to be there. I knew that knowing the Holy Spirit was part of knowing God. I had searched and researched and looked high and low for those puzzle pieces on a number of occasions...but they must have fallen behind the heavy hutch in the dining room - because it took a supernatural moving team to expose them to me.


In John 16:7, Christ said, "It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you."
As I read the context around that verse, it's as if Christ is saying that living with the Holy Spirit is even better for us than having JESUS sitting on the couch next to us. 


The Bible says, God gives the Spirit to those who ask Him. (Luke 11:13)
The Spirit LIVES IN US. (1 Cor. 6:19)
If we ask, we can have GOD. IN. US. 
Wisdom, power, revelation, knowledge, truth, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control...all things GOD - pulsing through us. 
So, WHY are we not experiencing an intimacy where we finish His sentences and know God's thoughts?
*smack!*

Wow! That thought has changed me in the past month.
I've started acknowledging the Holy Spirit instead of squelching Him.
I've started asking Him questions and EXPECTING answers because it has been PROMISED to me in scriptures. He is a being that wants RELATIONSHIP with me.
I've started listening and ASKING God to make sure I know it's Him.
I've started memorizing truths about the Holy Spirit so when the world tells me that "hearing" from God seems a bit unrealistic, I can be reminded that those thoughts are OUTRIGHT LIES.

It's been a month of tears. I'm just not used to all these Jehovah Shemmah (God is there) moments. It's been overwhelming...and Beautiful. (with a capital B)

If you are seeking as well, I'd love for you to join me on this journey.
We can pray for each other - that God helps us move the heavy furniture that is keeping us from finding all the pieces of the puzzle.
It's a beautiful picture He has created, and I want to see it ALL.