Guy Emotions

Fellow Mother-of-boys, Rhonda Schrock, wrote a blog post in which she asked for a translator. She was searching for any avenue to better understand the alien men with whom she lives. As she wrote, she marveled, "Imagine if a burp said, 'That was a fabulous meal. You are a queen among women, and your knack with a skillet is unrivaled.'"

Well, Rhonda, you may be on to something!
Her blog got me thinking about a conversation I had with my own alien husband.

I was using my feminine, verbal way to communicate deep love to my handsome man when my eyes crossed and the room became blurry. I was forced to stop speaking because I couldn't catch my breath. Clay, my other half, had dropped a gas-bomb and ruined my sweet moment.
It was silent, but deadly...and there was no warning.

That fateful day, in an attempt to calm the storm within me which was caused by the wind that escaped him, my husband shared a little secret which has helped me understand the male gender on a whole new level.
Dial in women, what I am about to share with you could save you YEARS of frustration.

We all know that many men struggle to emote in ways that satisfy women, but Clay took this opportunity to inform me that his gender is actually FULL of emotions which are dying to get out. Problematically, those feelings (in a male body) happen to be stored in gas form...which smells like it's been dead for years.
I was dumbfounded!
This means that all those expulsions I've dealt with for decades could have, quite possibly, been expressions of love!

Just last week, when we sang "Happy Birthday" to my youngest son while bringing him breakfast in bed; I should not have grimaced as he chimed in with his own melodious (and odorous) bass.
I should have been impressed that he was on beat and touched at the abundance of JOY that was produced by our loving gesture. He simply HAD to exhibit those emotions! His heart was FULL! (Well, SOMETHING was.)

It has all become so CLEAR now. The cloud has been lifted! (Until one of my testosterone-filled family members decides to "love" me again.)
I just couldn't keep this knowledge to myself, so I am getting the word out.
Men and women alike will thank me for generations to come.
You are welcome.

So GLAD I'm Getting Old(er)

I used to be quite the little spaz.
Everything was a big deal. All. The. Time.
In school, I would prefer to cheat on an assignment than risk getting anything
less than an 'A'.
I would spend HOURS explaining myself when I felt misunderstood.
I couldn't let anything go.
(OK, so maybe I still do this to Clay at times, but I'm workin' on it.)

I thought people needed to think like me, see the world like me, BE like me.
I followed a set of rules, and felt that others should follow them too.
I just KNEW I had thought through all of the "whys" of life.
I had a good reason for every action I took...so I was SURELY "right".
Within that little box of control and unattainable perfection, I was consumed with how I was perceived. I wanted to please EVERYONE. It was exhausting. It was suffocating. It was wrong.

I can still get a bit intense at times; but my friend, Hindsight, has really calmed me down.
She is a force to be reckoned with.
I just have to acknowledge Hindsight, and she makes a difference in my here and now.

Looking at her, I see that wading through disobedience to God has brought misery and struggle to seasons of my life.
She also reveals that walking in obedience has resulted in internal peace and FREEDOM during other pieces of my life.
Hindsight's 41 years of wisdom show me that God loves me in my imperfections, and that He USES them to reveal my need for Him.
Good ol' Hindsight.

Every time I glance her way, I am reminded that loving others is far more important than being 'right'.
She's proven that to me.
Most of all, I have witnessed through her that hard times always get better - eventually. Each hard moment I've lived has made me stronger, taught me a lesson, and tore away some of the ugly in me.

Yep, that Hindsight, I need to keep in touch with her on a daily basis.

Just the other day, God used Hindsight to provide me with some much needed perspective.
I was comparing myself to others. I was feeling old. I was self-conscious about the swollen, wrinkled skin around my allergy-inflamed eyes.
She pointed to some of my favorite people in the world. She followed the paths they have taken through my life, and she said in a sarcastic voice, "Yah, the only reason you love them is because they are pretty."
Her figurative eye-roll reminded me that I don't even consider physical beauty when I contemplate those people who warm my heart the most. I connect with their spirit. I respond to their authentic love. External beauty is NOT how I want others to connect to me either.
I want others to light up when they think of me because of how I make them FEEL in the depths of their spirit. Do they know they are loved?

Age is such a gift. It has really calmed me down.
I praise God for every laugh line, as well as every scar.

Thank you, Hindsight...
Or maybe I should I call you by your proper name: Wisdom.
As each year passes, I get a bit more of you in my life. Praise God.

Job 12:12 Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?

I Used to Write a Blog

"So what you are actually saying...is that you USED to write a blog."

It happened after explaining to the English class that I regularly utilize a thesaurus when writing.
"Well, if I find time to write... I mean, I DO have a blog. In fact, you guys would probably like to read it...but I haven't really posted anything for 6 or 8 months..."
*mumble, mumble, talk to myself, forget that there are other people listening*

Then BOOM! *insert perfectly timed comment mentioned above - that struck right at my heart.*

Hmmm...he's got a point. Can I even say that I write a blog?
Can I smack this kid for pointing it out?
I'll show YOU, you snarky clever little 11th grade boy who felt the need to challenge me.
TA DA!
I am CURRENTLY WRITING a blog!
I win. You lose. That is all.

*sigh*
*shaking my head*
It took a confrontation with an adolescent for me to write something.
[sidenote: I just utilized a thesaurus to recall the word 'confrontation' rather than using the phrase 'pissing match' which was my first impulse. Those thesauruses really ARE wonderful. Sometimes, after spending my days with teenage boys, I need assistance to clean up my act and sound semi-educated.]
[sidenote to my sidenote: My boys just read the words 'pissing match' over my shoulder. It is a new term for them. They are laughing hysterically and spouting off about lighting fires and urine. It's not pretty, but it IS kind of funny. Oh my, there really is NO hope for me...or my children.]

I love teenagers. Truly, I do.
Intelligent, challenging, thinking ones are 'extra bonus' fun.
They keep things interesting and, apparently, push me to get things done.

K12 Online Public School vs. Ted Talks

Oh how I wish I could say that about our homeschool.
I have let state standards, college preparation, and overall comparison cast a shadow over the freedom I SHOULD feel as I educate my children. (My boys, after all, need to be the brightest and most talented among their peers - and I must have documentation to prove it!)
*I just threw up in my mouth a little*

This year has had me on a journey of change in this area. It's been freeing - and a little scary.

It all started at the end of last year when my brain kept saying, "HOW is one silly mom supposed to provide a comparable education to the MANY qualified junior high teachers at the school who are SPECIALIZED in their fields of study?"
I had no answer for that. I was SURE I was ruining my children for life.
To alleviate my concerns and reduce my workload, we decided to let someone else plan our school this year. We looked at the large price tags on all the curriculum and teacher support systems out there - and saw that K12 online public school was FREE. Jackpot!
It is a state accredited school provided by the government with individual teachers for each subject. Did I mention it's free?
What a deal! What a blessing!
What a HUGE MISTAKE!

For us, it sucked like a Hoover vacuum.

I have a seventh-grade boy who builds computer programs FOR FUN.
He taught himself to solve a Rubic cube - because any proper nerd should have this skill.
He watches documentaries with his father and checks history books out of the library because they are "interesting".

Obviously, he can read and regurgitate information in his sleep. (He actually does this sometimes, he is quite the talker after 10:00 pm.)
And he detested online school.

His younger brother, my very bright "man of action", who does math problems in his head because writing it all down is such a bother, also struggled. Interaction, nature, and movement help him retain information; but they were hard to come by with the K12 methodology.

• Don't stop to take a note, or draw a picture - there is no time!
• Don't dig deeper about a subject that interests you. How will you finish your grammar worksheet if you do that?
• Don't talk to your brother! He is in a different grade, in a different class, and doesn't have time to stop HIS learning to interact with the likes of you!

They were achieving mastery in every subject...and experiencing slow death.
I, of course, was bound and determined to stick with it.
My boys are capable! I wouldn't have people judging us and thinking we couldn't "hack" it. 

We pressed on - and walked around with a very heavy load on our shoulders (consisting mainly of textbooks and online assessments).

Then a very wise friend asked, "How much joy do you have in your days?"

After I quit crying...we went ahead and quit online public school.
It didn't work for us.
We couldn't hack it after all, and I realized I was REALLY OK with that.

Now I am re-evaluating my whole thought process about state standards and college prep...and WHY we do what we do. We took the time to jump through each and every hoop placed before us by our culture and were left wanting.
Now I have the slightly scary process of redefining our home education.
It could be a long road.

So what now?
Faith. Faith that the path will be made clear.
And JOY - lots of joy in our days.

We hope to foster a lifestyle (and love) of learning for our boys in the years we have left.
Clay and I are evaluating our own lives and seeing how we model this behavior...and where we need to improve.
We want to be more intentional with our time - even on those evenings when we all just want to vegetate. Don't get me wrong, we are still lazy; but we've been watching Ted Talks and Netflix documentaries as we snuggle up on the couch and eat thin mints.
(Shhhh! The boys enjoy the family "screen time" and haven't complained about the extra learning that sneaks in.)

*Sidenote: We love the Girl Scouts, but they are going to have to change the name of those cookies to Used-to-be Thin Mints*

We are still studying all the traditional subjects during the day; but we are definitely changing our approach. We desire to educate the WHOLE mind and not just the parts of it that are good at processing data. We have our work cut out for us.

The following Ted Talk has encouraged us along the way. It is funny. It's thought-provoking, and it is only ONE of the many talks that have been shaping our new way of thinking.
Go ahead, watch it...and join us on our journey.
We can all use a little encouragement as we try to understand our children and help them thrive.

Ken Robertson TedTalk about Creativity

Really? Creative Writing

Explosions, guns, hunting, blood, and underwear...
These are the main subject matter in our homeschool writing club comprised solely of young boys.

"What would our children write about if they went to public school?" I queried.
"I have no idea, but I'm SURE they would be expelled for reading THESE stories," replied my cohort in writing club crime.

'Tis true. We are raising creative writing delinquents.
Although I often take a red pen to rough drafts in hopes of limiting the gross/violence factor, final drafts would rarely pass muster in an institution for the masses.

The thing is: my fifth and seventh graders are learning to ENJOY the written word.
Strong verbs, descriptive language and compound sentences are not nearly so daunting when the subject matter is engaging and makes them grunt with heightened levels of testosterone.

My kids are becoming competent, creative writers.
They will, someday, be successful when asked to draft a presentation for the 'big wigs' at work (or a college professor). If these skills are learned while creating PowerPoint presentations to convince their parents that the latest PlayStation game is necessary (for killing zombies and thriving in the future Apocalypse); so be it.
If they become proficient in drafting business letters while writing to the M&M Candy Corporation expressing disappointment with the term "fun-size" on teeny-tiny bags of M&Ms, I say, "Rock on."
If writing an accurate and detailed report about Cedar Point happens to include a description about vomit or underwear while adequately expressing the rush of adrenaline which occurred on a ride, I'll take it! A successfully written report (with details) WAS achieved.

They can deal with dry subject matter later if their future 'real-world' requires it. In the meantime, I have some fundamentals to ingrain within their cute little heads, and I have the freedom to do this any way I deem fit. Thank you homeschool!

I am sure many would poo-poo my methods.
That's OK. I'm sure I would also poo-poo theirs.
(I just wrote poo-poo in an "acceptable" way, and it made me laugh.
Sorry, I couldn't let that slide - I live with boys.)

If I risk raising delinquents, it is a risk I am willing to take.
I hardly think I can avoid rule-questioning/bending/breaking children anyway.
(I know their parents.)
I might as well use this tendency for their future benefit.