Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Qualifier

super hero
Photo Credit

When I speak about my husband, I tend to share about rainbows and lollipops and romantic gestures. According to my blog and many conversations I have with friends, you'd think I married Superman.

I once had a friend say, "You don't even know how to complain about your husband properly. You always preface your remark with 'Clay is such a good man, I don't know WHY I'm so frustrated with ______.'" 
(That's some tricky punctuation - a quote within a quote at the end of a sentence? Looked funny, but it's right - I Googled it.)

I digress...
I'm here to announce that...
Wait for it...

He irritates me, he "ruins" moments, and (on occasion) he has a nose hair try to escape his right nostril. The thing is, if I choose to focus on the imperfections, I KNOW my marriage will be difficult. So, even when I'm alone with my own thoughts and catch myself glaring holes into the back of a family member's head...I try to stop myself. I try to list the things I love about them. I try to focus on the greater good. I try to focus on the bigger picture. I try NOT to focus on ME.

Notice I said, "I try..."
I'm not Superman (or Supergirl, or Wonder Woman) either.

How is your thought-life? Do others see the good in your spouse because that is what you have shown them? Do you defend and protect the good in your spouse? He/she is made in the image of God. There IS good there...are you looking for it? And are you letting your spouse know that you see it - and are thankful for it?

Let's write down all the things that our spouses do - that we may take for granted. And let's make sure that we DON'T take them for granted...at least not today.

  • He went to work to earn money.
  • He shares that money with me and the kids.
  • He made more coffee than he needed so I would have some to drink too.
  • He snuggled my son when he woke up.
  • He called the bank. (I didn't have to!)
  • He kissed me goodbye.
  • He...
I bet this list will be pretty long. I think I might need to show him the list too.


  1. good stuff! A few years ago, someone paid me a compliment that I've treasured as one of my favorites ever - she told me that she had never heard (or read) me complain about or disrespect my husband. I bet I've done it, but the rule I've tried to live by is to not ever cut him down.

    I'm going to try your challenge, and make a list of those things he does that I shouldn't take for granted. 8-)

    Visiting from the Hop!

    1. What a compliment!
      Hope the experiment blesses you (AND YOUR MAN).
      Thanks for visiting!

  2. Good stuff, Becky! The way I see it is two sinners marry each other and then (usually) make several more. Takes a lot of grace, good humor, and old-fashioned hard work to make it - well, work.

    Great post.

  3. I love your idea of a list. I grow so weary of listening to wives who only complain about their husbands. Often I wonder why they married them in the first place. . .

    One of the points in my post this week is about what we pay attention to grows. That is so applicable to our relationship with our husbands. We need to pay attention to those qualities that we fell in love with and those that have come to the fore since then, such as loving our children and making a living.

  4. I love this idea and have used it several times. Unfortunately, it is after I already snapped at him. But it still helped me generate a sincere apology :)


You don't even have to raise your hand...just shout it out.