Sunday, May 27, 2012

Romance Can Be a Choice

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What if we tried to see our marriages like romance novels?
Those books, *I've heard*, don't bother to discuss the mundane details in life.
(Nobody would read them.)
Instead, they focus on the highlights that happen throughout a day.
How much would our marriages change if we intentionally focused on the good thoughts that pop into our heads, nice gestures, and the way that our spouses fulfill their family responsibilities rather than taking them for granted?

Yes, sometimes mushy novels mention negative emotions or mundane activities; but even then, they lace them with attractive language. It's such a different situation than "real life" because the reader often gets to climb into the heads of all parties involved. Harsh actions can even "make sense" when loving thoughts are attached to them.
For instance, a book might say...
"He didn't want to lash out at her, she meant too much to he held his tongue." (swoon)

How could that sentence make a gal swoon?
If this scenario happened in the average home, a typical wife (who couldn't possibly be me) might hear (or not hear) the quiet tongue and RAGE that her husband refuses to speak. It can definitely be a challenge not to be instantly irritated when Clay spouses respond with the silent treatment.

Now, let's stop and see how to "romance novel" this up...
What if he is silent to protect me? What if he does it so he doesn't make the situation worse? What if it is a way of LOVING me that I. just. can't. see. (or hear)

Romance is often a matter of perspective. Godly perspective.
We must CHOOSE to find and focus on the highlights in every moment.
We must give the benefit of the doubt to our spouse and climb into their shoes.

Will you join me? Let's take our gray, mundane situations and see something colorful - and worthy of the Song of Solomon.

"He could have rolled over and went back to sleep. He'd done it before when exhaustion had caught up with him, but this morning he wandered into the kitchen where I stood drinking a glass of water. I love it when it is just the two of us in a quiet house. I think he secretly loves it too, but even if he doesn't... he got up so I could have my sweet moment, and so that he could kiss me goodbye as I headed out the door.
He knows how good it is for our marriage when he starts his day on the couch reading his Bible, so while I was gone - that's just what he did. How could I NOT love this man. Many days he chooses to do what is best, when he'd prefer to sneak a few extra minutes in our warm bed.
After walking with the neighbors, I came home to the smell of coffee. He always makes us coffee. On the weekends, when I'm home with him, he even brings me a cup – sweet and creamy just how I like it..."

Wow, that is quite a different way to look at my average morning. It could have said, "I got up and went walking. Clay got up, made a pot of coffee, and read."

I'll choose the first (but exactly the same) scenario, please - and maybe throw in a few steamy sections to boot.
All it takes is a choice. What will you choose?


  1. I love this reminder! So true and it made me smile just reading it and thinking of the loving gestures Amos does! Love it!!!

  2. I agree, great perspective! Here from the Hop.

  3. Love this! I accepted a challenge a few weeks ago to show more appreciation to my Husby. For two weeks, I wrote down every kind thing he did for me. (There were dozens. And dozens) And it opened my eyes. Now, when I look at him, I see the effort he makes every day to serve. To love. It has changed our marriage!


You don't even have to raise your hand...just shout it out.