Monday, April 2, 2012

How Do I Answer THAT?

Sometimes I get quiet.
Don't laugh, it's been known to happen.
Unfortunately, it usually means that something is wrong...

When my husband notices the lack of chatter in the room, I often hear, "You alright? Seems like you've got something on your mind."
He is willing to let me process out loud. He's a good man (he actually LIKES it when I talk).
This method works GREAT - when I'm thinking about our children, their schoolwork, or prayer concerns for friends. I'm soon back to my gabby self.

Sometimes I'm quiet because I'm irritated at HIM and trying to talk myself down from the emotional ledge I'm teetering on. I know that I am too volatile emotionally engaged to calmly discuss a subject where he is SO VERY WRONG we obviously have differing opinions.
I know I should shut up, but I need a healthy response to his innocently asked, "Whatcha thinkin' about?"

I mean, if he's ASKING,  then it must be the PERFECT time to share how irritated I am that he sat on the couch while smelling like a campfire (right after I casually pointed out that he was stinking up my upholstered chair by doing the same thing).
Wait. Maybe it's not the perfect time to speak. It is however, the time to put my tongue in my pocket (wouldn't THAT be a nice feature) and pray.
Our marriage and my respectful behavior toward him mean more than ANY silly couch. I need to keep that in mind. Things will go much better if I let the Holy Spirit work in both of our attitudes instead of lecturing him like I'm his MOM.

Yes, this example is a bit ridiculous with it's smoky clothes and couches and such; but this kind of simple scenario happens all the time - and destroys marriages.
So, I'm looking for the perfect response when I need to uncharacteristically be quiet.
If I say, "I don't want to talk about it," I would be lying - and he might probe further.
(I'm not strong enough to resist pointing and blaming and complaining at him TWICE in a row.)

Maybe I just need to say, "I'm throwing an internal temper tantrum right now, and I need to talk to God about it rather than pray that Wisdom prevails."
Yep, he'll still know it's about him...but he's a smart guy - and prayer is a much safer (and more powerful) choice than getting me to talk about what's in my head in that moment.

Clay is so gracious with me. I am TRYING to be gracious with him as well.
I'm so glad that God's grace is sufficient enough for  both of us.


  1. Still, it's hard to correctly interpret silence....

    1. But he DOES interpret it 'oh so well.'
      I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve...or the expression of my face actually. So, a SAFE answer to his CORRECT interpretations is needed.

  2. I know how you feel! My husband is way more gracious with me than I am with him! And yes, this womanly way of "nagging" ruins marriages. The guy jut gets tired of it, I am sure! I have been studying love with Billy Brim and now I repeat to myself "Love i patience, love is KIND, love is long-suffering...." I still have to ask for forgiveness more often than I would like from failing at my test, but I am determined not to nag my way out of my beautiful marriage! Thanks for the reminder (and the knowledge that I am not alone!)

    1. Alone, you definitely are not. I too quote scripture in those times.

  3. Silence truly can be golden at times. I've seen this not only in the things I share, but the things I allow myself to gnaw on internally. So I totally get this, Becky, and appreciate you bringing light to it for us. Great post! :)

    1. My husband is good at patience and QUIET contemplation. I tend to rush in...and get burnt. It's a process. I am learning to keep quiet, but may need a sign to hold when I choose to do so. Something that says, "I'm being quiet on purpose. Protect yourself and just LET IT BE."

  4. this just happened to me . . . us . . .!
    I was going on about little naggy things and who knows what else and my Husby was quiet. I finally asked him what was wrong and he said I was always at him about . . . stuff. I was shocked and for about 6 hours (through the night) I blamed him. Then I realized that it really was me! What a revelation. I was being a nag! I was being ungracious! I needed to change! With a lot of prayer, and a challenge to write down, every day, something my kind Husby does for me just because he's wonderful, I was able to turn the barge around. And, as you suggest, put my tongue in my pocket when I am feeling 'naggy'. Thank you for this post! It is truly inspired and pointed directly at me!!! And thanks for sharing on NOBH!

    1. If it pointed to you, you must have been standing behind me. :)


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